And then there were three…

I debated for a long time whether or not to do a blog about this; or rather blog about it in detail. Only because it’s a very personal matter and to be honest, airing my side of the story online for the whole world to see (I say ‘the whole word’, I mean the 50 or so of you that actually read this…) may be considered somewhat unfair, petulant even… but guess what? I’ve weighed it up… and frankly I don’t care. I have always said this site is for the highs and lows of our wedding journey and this is most definitely one of the lows!

So, I don’t know what the general opinion is out there (I welcome your comments. Please) but for me I have always regarded the request of being a bridesmaid as an honour. I had such an honour at my MoH’s wedding last year. When she asked me I was overcome with emotion. From that day on I wanted to make sure all her plans came to fruition and she had the wedding of her dreams. I had a genuine interest in every part of the day and couldn’t wait to be part of it…

When it came to choosing my bridesmaids I wanted people around me I considered my closest friends. You can’t have everyone so to me, if you ‘made the cut’ as it were (callous I know) then surely it’s quite something, no? All of my bridesmaids seemed to be genuinely happy when I asked them however it didn’t take long for cracks to start to show.

Three of them have been great. They put up with my constant droning about my grandiose (and frankly unrealistic) plans for the day… and are the shoulder to cry on when it inevitably doesn’t work out; they make themselves available for shopping trips (whether for me or them) and most importantly really care about the day.

One of them did not. Has not. Will not.

My birthday was in February. Having not seen bridesmaid ‘x’ since the beginning of Jan I was looking forward to catching up at my party. She cancelled the morning of with something straight out of “the book of classic excuses”. I then spent the next couple of months trying to arrange a date to see her but she was always “busy”. Eventually she said she could fit me in at the end of July. JULY. Lucky me! I called, she didn’t answer; left voicemail. I explained my concerns over not seeing her until then and although she was busy at weekends was there an evening one weekday we could meet up? She didn’t call back. No, she text me informing me that it was probably best if she wasn’t my bridesmaid… What? I called. She didn’t answer. I text my disappointment at her decision but also that the main kick in the stomach was the fact she TEXT IT. We have known each other for 19 years and she thought that was the kinda thing it was ok to text. I did however go on to say I understood her decision (and let’s face it she’d been shit so far and that wasn’t going to change) but that the invites had just gone out and I hope still would still come. She text me back; she was incredible defensive and didn’t appear to have any remorse or understanding as to why I was so upset. Funnily enough I’ve just finished reading a book about psychopaths… they portray the same characteristics. Anyway… I didn’t really know what to say so left it. 2 days later I received my first postal RSVP. It was from bridesmaid ‘x’; she’s not coming.

From bridesmaid to what? Enemies? In the space of a week? I don’t understand what’s going on, or to be honest what has happened to her. She has always been selfish but we all lived with it (‘we’ being a small group of remaining friends from school), it was just the way she was. But something in the last few months is different. Maybe through the new love of her life she has acquired a new friend group and feels she doesn’t need us anymore, maybe she really is just mental, who knows. What we do know is she has already begun talking about marrying her recent beau; I can only assume she’s not planning on having any bridesmaids coz as of this week, we don’t think she’s got any one left!

This process most definitely can put a strain on friendships but it can also strengthen them. With my personal results being 3-1 I’m glad I took the odds. I’m now closer than ever to my (now) 3-strong bridal party and to be honest am glad to have removed the weeds before spending an arm and a leg on them on the most important day of my life.

So there it is. An open book for you all to read. Yes it hurts. But hey, what can you do?